The question isn’t only when to give a first phone, but why and what for. Between peer pressure, after-school activities, and the reassurance of being able to locate them, it’s normal for many families to consider a smartphone earlier than they expected. Even so, the data suggests that more and more minors are getting phones at younger ages—and with that comes a growing need to decide with technical and educational criteria, not by default.
In practice, a large share of parents place the “reasonable” age between 12 and 14, and many teens also see 12–13 as the most appropriate moment, mainly for communication and logistics. However, age alone doesn’t solve anything: what makes the difference is maturity, the family context, and the type of device you hand over. Does it really make sense to give a fully featured smartphone if the real goal is simply to make a call after practice?
In addition, some research links access to a smartphone before age 13 with poorer mental health outcomes, with an especially noted impact on girls. This reinforces an idea specialists often repeat: it’s better not to treat a phone as an automatic “reward” for having a birthday, but as a tool earned by showing readiness.
Recommended age and signs they’re ready
If you want a quick reference, many families land in the 12–14 range, but it’s best used as a starting point, not a rule. There are 11-year-olds with demanding out-of-home routines who genuinely need a way to stay in touch with their parents, just as there are 14-year-olds for whom a smartphone is too much given their habits and self-control. That’s why the key is to look for specific signs of responsibility.
A helpful guide is to notice whether they take care of valuable belongings and whether they frequently lose things, because a phone is expensive and fragile—and repeated carelessness doesn’t just mean cost; it also triggers family conflict. It also matters whether they respect previous tech rules, such as limits with TV, a computer, or a tablet, and whether they can stick to routines like homework without the screen taking over everything.
There are less obvious signals, but they’re just as decisive. A child who knows how to apologise when they hurt someone, and who turns to their parents when there’s a problem, is usually better prepared for the digital world—where misunderstandings escalate quickly and where a screenshot can make a mistake stick around. And yes, as much as it sounds like an internet mantra, an online trail doesn’t vanish: an inappropriate photo or comment can have social consequences at school and, over time, reach administrators, teachers, or even come up in future academic or job-related contexts.
If there are already signs at home that screens cause irritability when limits are enforced, or if it’s hard for them to “let go” of the device when it’s time, it may be wise to delay a smartphone and choose simpler alternatives. Because when a child has a phone, they don’t just access the internet—the internet also accesses them. That requires knowing how to spot odd situations, ask for help, and admit mistakes, especially when there are interactions with strangers or episodes of cyberbullying.
Which device to choose: smartphone, basic phone, or watch
The device choice should match the real use case. If what you need is communication and location, a basic phone with calls, messages, and GPS can cover it without opening the door to social media, app stores, and a notification ecosystem designed to hook you (yes, even more than that endless feed we all know). That said, it’s best not to romanticise “dumb phones”: some models include internet access and, on top of that, they often offer fewer ways to supervise who the child is talking to.
Another option is a smartwatch with calling and messaging, especially useful for younger kids, because wearing it on the wrist reduces the risk of loss and keeps usage focused on essentials. With this approach, the value isn’t having “less technology,” but having the right amount of technology for the stage—avoiding unnecessary leaps to a full smartphone.
If you go with a smartphone, there are two paths: set up parental controls through system settings and management apps, or choose a phone designed from the start for child use with supervision. In the first case, you can set specific passcodes, limit screen time, and restrict downloads, and you can also rely on third-party solutions to manage apps, monitor certain activity, and see location. In the second case, options include Bark Phone—an Android phone with customisable controls and supervision features that analyse messages and emails for signs of cyberbullying, inappropriate content, or indicators of depression, and also allow you to disable the browser, internet, or apps until the family decides it’s time.
These types of devices typically include content filtering, remote controls from a parent app, and options like contact approval—especially useful when the goal is to prevent a minor from messaging strangers. Bark, in particular, also stands out for its approach to “unlocking” capabilities in stages without changing phones, and for integrating GPS tracking and location alerts.
How to make a safe transition: rules, limits, and habits
The biggest mistake when handing over a phone is treating it like an object rather than an agreement. Before they even have it in their hands, it’s worth making it clear that parents can review usage, know the passcode, and take the device away if rules aren’t followed. With preteens and teens this often sparks protests, but it’s part of the contract: the phone comes with responsibilities, not as a private island inside the home.
To avoid constant conflict, it helps to define operational rules: how much money they can spend on apps or games, what happens if they install a specific app, and whether social media will be supervised. One reasonable measure, when social use is allowed, is for parents to also have an account to view the public profile, while being cautious about private messages unless there’s a real concern—because the balance between supervision and privacy is also part of learning.
Another critical point is screen time. There isn’t a universal number, but there are minimum conditions: getting the sleep appropriate for their age and maintaining daily physical activity. From there, “no-phone moments” work well—such as during meals or the hour before bed—because they tackle the problem where it hurts most: routine. And if app-by-app limits are needed, it’s better to apply them with parental-control tools rather than negotiating every day as if it were a debate in a tech forum.
There will be incidents—because there always are. That’s why it’s a good idea to agree from the start on consequences if it’s lost or broken: contributing to repair costs, a waiting period before replacing it, or even temporarily switching to a more basic device. The goal isn’t punishment for its own sake, but preventing immediate replacement from turning carelessness into a habit.
Finally, the part that’s most uncomfortable for adults: setting the example. If the phone is present at the table or before sleep, your child will learn that this behaviour is “normal.” Modelling mindful use—treating the phone as a tool rather than filler for every pause—often has more impact than any list of rules. In the end, integrating a phone into a child’s life is a gradual process; the more it resembles step-by-step training, the less it feels like dropping them into the internet with a countdown.
